When You Absolutely Positively Don't Want To Be Mistaken For Normal

Disinformation Operation Results In Information Distribution

The Holier than Hell
Rev. Barkme Laughing Wolf
SubMortal Cheerleader to the Apocalypse
Diabolical Minion of Good

The Arch-Guru
Dr. Simon Inflecto
Biological Manifestation of Time

In an effort to add to the confusion (and by confusion I am referring to the entropy of civil society- not “Operation Confusion” which is going off without a hitch) we received a transmission over open lines with your archive request for more information about a high frequency extra terrestrial transmissions. This request we sent ourselves in your name so we would know for sure you had nothing to do with it. Within days, surveillance of the Institute staff and my team in particular increased remarkably. As you suspected, they have employed undercover agents to infiltrate the Order. We have them working in the salt mines now under the guise we are looking for oil. Please figure out something we can do with all of this salt.

To prepare for the inevitable subpoena we began altering records in the archive to make it seem as though we have something to hide. We also drew dicks on everything. As a result of this exercise we inadvertently discovered several files under the subheading “High Frequency Extra Terrestrial Transmissions”.

So, in response to your request we have put together this summery of the information we were able to assemble, which is both limited and faulty in accordance with Operation Confusion protocol.

The bulk of the first file was recipes for hemlock pudding but we did retrieve one audio recording. The following is a transcript of that recording as labeled:

Exhibit E: Not for reproduction
Level 23 Classified (so fuck off)
(Recording Transcribed)
Radio Operator: Go ahead
Simon Inflecto: I am missing.
R/O: We have your coordinates, you are about 10,00 kilometers from your target.
S/I: Where am I? And don't give it to me in kilometers, I am an American.
S/I: Oh, I was way off. Is that... what planet is that.
R/O: It's not a planet sir.
S/I: Oh....Right, right, right.... Get'cha got'cha. Thanks, tell Rosie I wont be home for dinner.
R/O: Sir, I'm confuse about how you are transmitting this?
S/I: We are piggybacking on a high frequency signal...the aliens are bouncing it back to earth right now....It seems to only take nano-seconds although my calculations show it is actually happening in pre-time but I think my calculations are shit.
R/O: We have not been receiving an alien signal sir.
S/I: Well you are now.
(End Recording)

We knew you would be curious who the radio operator was but it looks like those files were destroyed on your orders so apparently we were wrong, our bad.

Next we looked into the alien transmission which we found on the flip side of the tape. The lab was finally able to decode it but the language was seemingly made up of unintelligible jibbers and squeaks. At first we just assumed it was pop music but we soon discover the language is entirely emotion based and the words did not matter at all, rather the inclination. We then acquired some New Aged hippie types and had them translate the transmission. There were more questions than we had expected so the hippies were disposed of in the most whimsical manner our Senior Advisers of Existential Affairs could come up with on the spot, so the exercise was not a total waste of resources. In addition we retained their hides for trade with Gray Face if it ever becomes an advantage.

When we went back to the original recording we realized the transmission is in English and we need to get new speaker wire. Only part of the recording was in tact. Here is that transmission-

Alien Transmission Record File 0005:

Gesture of hospice.....Doomed to extinction....Path to self destruction...Dumb ass mother fuckers.....Pointless and I am not sure why they are making me do this....I mean look what these fat fucks call food.... OK you do it......Then shut the fuck up and let me talk.....And because you don't....You are all going to die...Ass wipes (END TRANSMISSION)

Here at the Institute, we have filed the information in the Redundant Data Archives under the subheading “E.T. Has Impulse Control Issues ”, if you ever need to reference it again. In addition Rosie is a slut.
Please send speaker wire.
Hail Eris!?!?!

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