Urgent Press Release from the Barko Toy Company
Barko Toy Co. Press Release:
The Barko Toy Company (a subsidiary of Wolf Wizard Gifts), the number one toy manufacturer on Planet X (Nibiru) would like to announce that for the first time ever Barko Toys will be made available for purchase here on earth.
“During an encounter with the dreaded Space Cooties, an intergalactic cargo freighter headed for the distant planet of Nibiru was knocked off course crash landing here on planet Earth and a small supply of Barko Toys were salvaged from the wreck.”
The Barko Toy Company Terrestrial Logistics Authority will begin distribution of custom made designer toys starting with a rare collection of handmade hand painted polymer originals. In addition a limited supply of hand painted and blank resin figures will begin release.
The first series to be announced is a collection of 1/1 scale replica models of the dreaded vermin Space Cooties, feared by interstellar adventurers across the universe. We have identified five species- Zweezle, Nrog, Lolligog, Groid and Meltor. It is expected that more species will be identified as cargo is exhumed from the wreckage. (Images provided are unauthorized photos of replica prototypes and do not represent the actual product)
We at the Barko Toy Company would like to address the baseless rumors alleging that some individuals who have used Barko Toy Co. products were subsequently abducted and probed by inter-dimensional doppelgangers or what the tabloids are referring to as “Metacreepers”. Our legal department has instructed our marketing department to release the following statement.
“These accusations are totally false and have no basis in reality. Stories about Metacreepers are just another attempt by agents of Space Force to discredit our research and sully our reputation. There has been no credible evidence proving these allegations and until there is we have no further comments*. Our thoughts and prayers go out to all the victims.”
All toys and toy designs are created by multimedia artist Barkme Laughing Wolf (A.K.A. Barko). All toys are made from the highest quality materials specifically for designer toy connoisseurs and collectors. Each toy is meticulously crafted and hand painted or coated with a primer for the consumer to customize at their discretion.
For more information about the Barko Toy Company, Barko Toys, Space Cooties or details about the great American Yeti conspiracy please join the Barko Toy Company VIP Club at the bottom of this page and receive updates, exclusive promotions, special offers and clandestine directives.
“When you absolutely positively don't want to be mistaken for normal.” - Barko
*Any customer who believes they may have been abducted by inter-dimensional doppelgangers should contact the Barko Toy Company about a partial refund or store credit contingent on the results of a full spectral analysis and radiologic examination.